Human meat...it's whats for dinner

While I was pondering about the important issues relevant to our daily lives, I stumbled upon an idea that could solve some problems with our world. As you, the reader, may or may not know, hunger and over-population are two big problems that our planet faces. I believe we should start tapping into a resource that has too long been unused in our recent history: human flesh. I personally believe that human flesh would be a versatile meat to be cooked with that could be eaten and afforded by people of all ages, races, genders, socio-economic standings, and whatever else that may define someone.

When served in a restaurant, the waiter would present to the patron a card containing biographical information on the person that the patron would be soon eating. It would contain information like the person's favorite color and the type of people he or she hated. Eating a human would be an experience like none other because Jews could then eat Nazi war veterans and feel a sense of retribution which each chew (which would taste strangely familiar to garlic with a touch of cilantro). It would give new meaning to the phrase "justice is served". If your kids decide to sass you with the phrase "bite me", they may very well be "eating" those words (though it would be YOU doing the eating) when they realize that instead of going to school the next day, they were being shipped to the fattening farms.

I've done some rough calculations on a napkin and figured out that the average human can feed a family of five for half a week. If fattening farms are properly regulated and maintained, a human can be fed and bloated to 3-4 times his or her normal size via steroids and possibly abnormal growth mutations from radioactive material consumption (this will require testing). Because we want to fix the problem of overpopulation as soon as possible, lenient restrictions will be put in place for someone who wants to be fodder to be sent to the farms. An age restriction of 12 years seems most logical because that is roughly the age when humans are most likely to realize their futility in making anything worthwhile of their meaningless lives and wish to leave the world behind them. No parental consent will be required as this would severely limit the number of applicants that would be taken in.

The rich like to eat caviar, so how about eating the eggs of a female human? Appetizing? How about caviar-stuffed ovaries? If that doesn't get you salivating, how about a human weiner between whole wheat buns? Don't worry about the saltiness, you can hydrate by drinking the gametes from a young supple boy's testes! Don't have the hunger for a full course meal? How about nipple chips? They will come in many varieties such as baked, fried and raw (for those wacky college fraterny initiations and creepy middle-aged men with nerd lisps).

Without a doubt, this is a concept that will require more planning and deliberation however the biggest obstacle that "cannibalism" has to chew through is the stigma of such an idea. We will have to brainstorm ways to keep from dehumanizing the person while farming them Perhaps having human female farmers tenderly handle the human as if they were their mother (giving them motherly kisses and tuck them into the conveyer belt with blankets). The male human farmers could share stories and wisdom to them as they were being turned into ground meat.

This is an idea that seems completely far-fetched and something that we as humans would never do, however, most revolutionary ideas start out as such. Look at recent phenomenon such as "the gay", a disease that has never been documented in medical records throughout our human history until recently, and "the stupidness" that has sweeped our now godless America with the past election of a non-white president. These are just two of the many things that we have never thought would befall us but indeed has.

Think of the hungry. Think of the crowded public buses. In light of the facts, if you are a correct thinker like me, you will think cannibalism.