Great Success!

If you have been following my blog, I probably do not need to tell you that my campaign for the legalization of serving human meat in restaurants has been successful. I have gained support mainly through the internet via people such as yourself! I attribute the success of the campaign to the anonymity of the internet which has allowed many of us to voice our opinions even if they are controversial. I, too, have remained anonymous throughout this fight for our right to eat each other but for another reason. As you may not know, my wife is a post-mortem person and strongly disagrees with the recently passed No Culinary Borders Act. I love my wife very much and respect her views, but I believe there are some post-mortem people that do not deserve to rest in their caskets nor do they deserve to find love in the afterlife. These 'zombies' (excuse my french) do not deserve a second chance and must be put to a second death (aka be eaten) and with a child on the way(thanks for all your congratulatory notes) I had to find a way to provide. The burial business is doing well but I could not see it be economically viable in sustaining a family. So I have decided to finally open my restaurant and serve human meat. It may seem strange to run a restaurant concurrently with burial services but there is actually some good synergy between the two. I am now offering reasonably priced catering services during the funeral but it is an offer that is only valid for closed-casket events. Anyhow, I know the idea of opening a human meat restaurant would leave my wife deathly appalled, so I have decided to keep it a secret from her. For now.

Fine establishment you've got here

The fact that so many people go to church on Sunday has had me begging the question "Why?" With such a high membership count, I had to see what the big deal was. After all, if it's so popular there must be something worthwhile to it. While attending the church, I kept hearing about the idea of "the kingdom of heaven", a place that all the Christians seem to want to go after they become deceased. They talk at great lengths about how perfect it is and yet I haven't the slightest clue on what goes on in this kingdom. The idea of a place with monarchy as its government structure seems to be rather barbaric and backwards. And with the almighty leader God as its king, I began to find the whole idea unsettling. He rules with absolute power, much like a totalitarian would and if my education was right, that's not a good thing. What if God decided to designate Tuesdays as "eat-as-many-ketchup-chips-as-you-can-in-a-24-hour-span day"? I would certainly not be in favor of that but my opinion wouldn't matter since his word is absolute. The idea of heaven goes against everything I stand for as an American. Americans have died so that the notion of freedom, liberty and democracy may live on. But we want to go to heaven where none of that exists? A bit foolish, I would say. I'm sure that God is a nice person and has the best intentions but didn't Hitler have the best intentions for his people? What if God had gas chambers outside the gates for the sinners? I'm sure Christians don't hate sinners THAT much. And besides, how can heaven be perfect anyways? A fortnight ago, my wife (my gratitude goes out to the liberal media) Tatiana and I had supper with our neighbors and...well, let me just say that they had a different taste than us. Our neighbors wanted to share their love of nipple chips and caviar-stuffed ovaries with us. "They're delightfully juicy," they said. It took all of my willpower to not abruptly stand up and say "Those were once part of a human! What are we, cannibals?", but alas I did not and took a sample. The nipple chips weren't entirely intolerable. But what will happen if my neighbors and I go to heaven? Will they cater to my neighbor and serve us all testes? How can there be a heaven that satisfies everyone?

I feel that heaven is like a country club. A place where everyone says is grand and marvelous and notes how exclusive it is as if it meant something but when you enter it, you notice that everything isn't as great as they say and that the bartender does not even know how to mix a Rum and Coke. If I wanted Pepsi, I would have asked for it.

The human spirit

Blasphemous is the only way I can describe the current human condition. I had thought that America had progressed. If there was one thing that I have learned while growing up in white liberal suburbia, it is this: tolerance. We've battled against all forms of bigotry like slavery, racism and communism and triumphed in the end. We've made many strides in our tolerance by embracing the gay community. With this I could only have one question: how can a society that accepts a union between a man and a man not also accept a union between a man and a dead man? You see folks, during my time serving the public with my burial services with competitive rates, I have realized that they are still human. Why do we consider a person not human simply because their heart no longer beats? The blood stagnates, but the spirit still courses the veins. The spirit still lives on in the body and still needs love. I know this because I am in love with Tatiana, the woman who I was suppose to bury in April. When I prepared her for the funeral, I slowly unzipped the body-bag exposing her pearl white face and was instantly smitten. We went out on many dates. Oh how joyous they were, I can still remember how morbidly nervous I was on our first date. I was so nauseous, I nearly threw up (but I did anyways)! After three months, we are now happily engaged. Great news right? Until I went to the nearby church and was denied my marriage. I cannot believe that we say that we live in "the land of the free" when the marriage of two people in love is denied. This is an oppression on dead people! The dead may not have working organs, but they still have a working soul. If you ignore that soul, you are a killer. A soul still needs us and by neglecting it, you kill it.

Fight for the Dead's rights. Contact your local congressmen and tell them that souls deserve love. This is an outrageous show of bigotry and must be corrected.

Porn for blind ppl

http://pornfortheblind.org/

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Azns. Smartest group of people? or are they?

The Asians have always been known to be the smartest group of people in the world. They pay attention to teachers, they do all their homeworks on time, they can do math calculations in their heads, and they ask questions that make professors go "Great question young man!" (I say "young man" because Asians girls are too shy and are afraid to ask questions in front of many people. Or sometimes they get into car accidents so they can't make it to class. Plus they're hot so they don't really need to pay attention in class).

Based on a 2005 research, statistically(88.23% of statistical data are made up), Asians score the highest in SAT with the average score of 1091 (excluding Writing Section). The second place: the whites with 1068. The rest, well below 1000 with African Americans in last place with 864.

Asians(including Middle Easterners) also brought up many innovative inventions and ideas throughout history with the inventions of the number zero, sand paper, gunpowder, Jesus, and most importantly, chopsticks.

One might look at this and say "Woah! You ching changs are smart!", but I have a reason to believe that Asians are NOT the smartest group of people.

Simply consider this question:

In the field of math, science, and engineering, which racial group comes up with the most innovative ideas today?

Exactly.

The whites.

They are the most innovative thinkers when it comes to technology/engineering/math/aeronautics/etc...

While it may seem that the Asians are the smartest of the world, they are just mere robots. They do what they are told really well but cannot think of ideas on their own. Whites, on the other hand, eat a lot of hamburgers and are lazy. However, they often come up with a more significant amount of scientific breakthroughs every year. The only innovative Asian person in the field of science that I can think of is Michio Kaku but he is probably gay.

However, I can think of a large amount of innovative white scientists and mathematicians: Leonhard Euler, Brian Greene, Daniel Bernoulli, Albert Einstein, etc etc.

The truth is, Azns aren't that smart.




Michio Kaku. Smart Asian.
Probably gay.

You are what you eat.

I would like to respond to the many e-mails I have gotten regarding my new business. It has been doing well. I have received countless accolades for my conscious efforts towards a better society. I have even gotten a congratulatory letter from the town mayor! I would like to thank the community for giving me the chance to bury their dead. With such success, I have contemplated the idea of rebuilding my restaurant. I plan to rebuild the restaurant's repertoire of dishes from the ground up. This will take time as I'd like each dish to be completely original but when the restaurant finally opens, you will all be amazed. I have done some culinary experiments with some meat and I have finally created something that is like no other in the world of food. When you try this meat, your response will be similar to that of when you went to that foreign place in the hidden corners of the world and ate the meat prepared by the local tribesmen and thought it was delicious and learned that the meat you ate was actually human meat from the daily sacrifice and decided that human meat tastes so good that you are going to lobby for the legalization of human meat consumption. But you'll just have to wait until the grand opening!

I want to sing this at work

Idk why

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5VeLCMr1kE